To Believe or Not to Believe: How Can I Believe in a Loving Lord in the Context of a Cruel World?
He was crying and overcome with emotion as he described his childhood memories of 1940 in England during the relentless bombing by Hitler and his forces during World War II. He described how they would bomb during the night and no one knew who would be alive and who would be dead the next morning. He would go to school and the teacher would ask, “Where is Johnny or Suzy? And we would answer, ‘Oh, their houses were hit last night’.” Many times they would only find body parts and then would wrap them in a blanket and bury them in mass graves. As he described these horrific memories, he stated, “That was when I stopped believing in God. I have never believed in God since then.” His words reached out and hit me between the eyes, they grabbed me by my heart. I was in the middle of writing this book and this gentle, older man, with tears flowing down his face, was speaking for millions, millions who had gone through indescribable suffering watching family and friends die. The common question is usually framed, “If God is so loving and merciful, why does He allow such atrocities to happen to the innocent?” Or, “Why do bad things happen to good people?” Anybody who is a truth seeker and honest in heart is bound to ask the same question? Perhaps, that is why his statement so affected me. How do you love the Lord God with all of your heart and mind and soul, while unspeakable atrocities are happening around you? Why does he not intervene? What good does it do for me to believe and nothing changes?
A Cuban relative once told me about her experience shortly after Castro took over. Her teacher was escorted away in tears and replaced by a new teacher. The new teacher said, “Who would like some candy?” All the children raised their arms. The teacher said, “Then bow your heads and pray with faith and with no doubts and God will give you the candy.” The children did as the teacher instructed. After a few moments, they opened their eyes and did not see any candy. The teacher said, “Let’s try praying to comrade Castro. Close your eyes and pray to him.” As they did, the teacher walked around the class quietly putting candy on each desk. Some children opened their eyes and said, “Hey, I see you, you are passing out the candy!” The teacher said, “That’s exactly right, the candy is coming from me, I am a representative of Castro. Now you know that all good things come from our Comrade Castro, not from God. Praying to God will do nothing for you. But asking our heroic leader for something, there is a much better chance you will get it.”
Many believers in God have prayed with tears for something very important: restoration of a loved one to good health; protection of a loved one in a war torn place, only to have that loved one brought home in a body bag, and much more. Their prayers were often done with all of their hearts, and their wish or petition was not granted. They may feel it a sin to question God, they can only question and doubt themselves, “maybe I didn’t have enough faith, maybe it was not God’s will, maybe I am not worthy, etc.” But deep down in the recesses of their heart and mind, they may question whether there really is a God and if there is, why doesn’t He answer their prayers?
The subject of whether there is or there is not a God is a big one and not one that I wish to explore in this book. However, the subject of why God is slow to answer or never answers prayers or why He does not intervene more often, is one that is worth exploring. After all, how can one truly obey the first two great commandments when one wonders why He allows atrocities and unexplainable suffering to happen to us, our loved ones and to innocents around the globe?
I watched a beautiful movie about the last few months of His ministry, prior to His crucifixion. The movie did a masterful job of portraying His kindness and compassion towards those who sought Him and asked for healing or other blessing. What struck me is that in all of the recorded instances of His miraculous healings, the multiplication of the loaves and fishes, the raising of Lazarus from the dead after he began stinking from decomposition—He never turned anybody away. He didn’t give any of the excuses that we give today, ie, it is not in God’s timetable, adversity is good for you, you will learn to prize the sweet by tasting the bitter, this life is a test, you made a covenant to go through this life with a test, your affliction will make you grow, you will be able to help others with similar afflictions, your faith is too weak, get more faith, you are not worthy, you have broken the rules, all blessings are predicated on keeping the commandments, and… you can add to the list. Even when someone doubted, He helped them “their unbelief”. All He asked was that they be not as the hypocrites and that they seek not to consume the miracle on their lusts. He knew the intent of their hearts, and if it was essentially good, no request was denied.
Some people have told me that, yes, of course, He was the Son of God, He had special powers. People were fortunate to be in the same place, at the same time, as He was. What about the millions of people who were living in other parts of the world at that time, did their afflictions become healed by Him? That was then, this is now. He is gone now.
As I watched this movie on Christ’s ministry and the gracious granting of requests, I thought of His famous promise,
John 14 12 Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me, the works that I do shall he do also; and greater works than these shall he do; because I go unto my Father.
It was a great epiphany, an “ah hah!”. All of the false traditions that I had heard, about the blessings of adversity, about God’s timetable, etc. were all holding me back. Those beliefs did not comport with Christ’s example. I was being damned, held back, by these false teachings. I needed to put Jesus’ promises to the test. From my journal:
“I decided it was time to go to Kindergarten. I was staying near a coast with the sea and decided, with full purpose of heart, to work with the elements, to calm the seas, command the winds, to do as the Savior had done. Not to consume it on my lusts or to create a carnival atmosphere but to be a servant of the Lord, to do what He would do. I have heard that spiritual gifts are like any gift: musical, art, mathematics, whatever. All gifts must be developed and require a lot of practice and persistence. Anybody can have a spiritual gift if they practice, practice, practice and do so with faith in Jesus Christ. Today, I went to the beach and decided to see what I could do with the elements. I told the Lord that this was for a righteous purpose and explained that I was practicing. I first concentrated on the ocean and the waves. In the spirit of love, I commanded the waves to become still in the area I was. I told them that they could continue to crash on other rocks nearby but not on the rock I was on. The waves died down where I was while crashing on the others. When a wave started to come toward me, I commanded it to divide and go around me. It seemed to do so. This went on for a few minutes. So, I decided to see if it would go back to crashing again and commanded it to resume its beautiful percussion music, crashing on my rock, and it did. My next test came with a bird that was flying about 50 yards out and going down the shoreline. I asked it to turn around and come back towards me. It did. Since I still have a lot of doubting Thomas in me, I wondered if all this was just coincidence. Then I directed my attention to the sky and noticed that earlier clouds had cleared, with a few white ones off in the distance and some small ones overhead. The sun was shining brightly and was hot. Calling upon the name of Jesus Christ, I expressed my love to the elements for their obedience to our same Master, the Savior. I then commanded the clouds to form, the winds to increase and to cover the sun and to turn dark. Like an orchestra conductor, I used my hands, bidding the clouds to cover the sun, beckoning the clouds in the distance to join the small ones nearby. They did. As the clouds began growing in size and covering the sun, they put on a spectacular show of different lights from the sun penetrating the clouds, I thanked them and expressed my gratitude over and over. In a matter of a few minutes, maybe 10, what had been a relatively clear sky, suddenly became full of dark, beautiful clouds. A few minutes earlier, about 80% of the sky was clear and with only white clouds. Now, in a few minutes, it completely changed and at least 80% of the sky was covered in dark clouds. To my 2 o'clock high was a small patch of blue. Using my hands, I bid the white clouds off in the distance to fill in the gap. They did and came racing toward the gap. The other dark clouds overhead were passing to my 11 o'clock and I bid them to stop so that the other clouds coming from the 2 to 4 o'clock could catch up and join them, filling in the gap. They did. Now the entire sky was filled with dark, beautiful clouds, as I had requested. The wind had picked up as I had asked and the waves were crashing with more intensity. There were many crabs on the rocks who seemed to enjoy what was going on. It was beautiful. I truly felt like a symphony conductor in my own private symphony. I felt my cup overflowing with joy and gratitude. Could this really be happening?
There were a lot of tourists nearby and some came to within a few yards of where I was. I had to be careful that they did not think of me as a homeless crazy. They began throwing rocks at my crabs. I sent energy their way that they should leave immediately. They did.
Colombia is going through a very bad drought. What is usually a tropical, wet area is like a desert. So I asked the dark clouds to share their moisture and fulfill the measure of their creation. I concentrated really hard and asked again and again in the name of Jesus Christ. They didn't. When I asked why my request wasn't granted, I received the impression that this was my first time to practice and that I shouldn't expect 100% success my first time. I didn't feel disappointed, in fact, I was humbled by how much had been accomplished with so little practice. I felt very blessed and looked forward to further symphonies and practices with our beloved elements. Glory and Honor to the Most High,”
There were a lot of tourists nearby and some came to within a few yards of where I was. I had to be careful that they did not think of me as a homeless crazy. They began throwing rocks at my crabs. I sent energy their way that they should leave immediately. They did.
Colombia is going through a very bad drought. What is usually a tropical, wet area is like a desert. So I asked the dark clouds to share their moisture and fulfill the measure of their creation. I concentrated really hard and asked again and again in the name of Jesus Christ. They didn't. When I asked why my request wasn't granted, I received the impression that this was my first time to practice and that I shouldn't expect 100% success my first time. I didn't feel disappointed, in fact, I was humbled by how much had been accomplished with so little practice. I felt very blessed and looked forward to further symphonies and practices with our beloved elements. Glory and Honor to the Most High,”
September 21, 2011 – As I was writing this experience, it occurred to me that I had not done anything similar for a while. I love being in communion with the elements and I recognize them as intelligences. As intelligences, organized matter, they recognize those who are followers of their creator and master. I decided I needed to practice some more, practice what I was preaching, so I went outside and noticed it was going to be a very hot day in west Africa on the Sahara desert. There was little wind and I noticed that the sky had some tiny clouds in the distance. I first asked permission from the Father to speak directly with the elements. I then addressed the clouds, acknowledging their beauty and repeating the name of Jesus Christ, I asked them to increase in size and to cover the sky and to bring forth their rains. It had not rained in several weeks on the Sahara desert. I went to an office and a few hours later, came outside and noticed that many large, cumulous clouds had filled the sky. The temperature was a little lower and the winds were picking up. I went back into the office and at about 4:30 pm, I heard a loud beating noise on the roof of the building. I looked outside and it was pouring rain and even hail was coming down in small chunks of ice. What a treat to see ice in the Sahara desert! Water began entering the building I was in, so heavy was the downpour. People nearby were surprised to see so much rain. I just kept laughing to myself that the elements had responded to my request, once again, and I expressed my love and gratefulness to them and to the Lord my God.
As of November 29, 2011, there has not been any rain in this area since then. Nor was there any rain for many weeks prior. Just that day, the day that I asked in the name of Jesus Christ.
These experiences gave me a lot of confidence. I have continued to practice, with amazing success. I am still in Kindergarten. I have not yet walked on water or multiplied food. But, I am confident I will be able according to His promise and according to my desire to believe on Him. Through all this, I have discovered other gifts. I have a constant radiant heat emanating from the center of my hands. It is not body heat. It is too intense. I have had it all my life and took it for granted. But, thanks to a friend who tested me for it, she told me I had a gift and should use it for blessing others. Over the next several years, I have given blessings and my hands would become very hot. Those being blessed would comment on the heat flowing through their bodies. I realized that their ability to feel this heat was based on their belief. I have not raised the dead with it yet, nor have I healed withered legs, yet, but I have had some very remarkable experiences with people being instantly healed. I have felt impressed that when the scriptures refer to “healing in His wings” it is referring to this gift of healing in the hands.[1]
There are many thousands of miracles that have been recorded throughout history. There are thousands of near death experiences, visitations of angels, appearances of spirits, both good and bad, visions, prophesies and even stories of food multiplying. Nevertheless, in spite of all that, many people, like the British man who witnessed the deaths of family and friends although praying to God, have simply given up. How could even the most imperfect parent, not feel, and fill, the urgent need to rush to the rescue of his/her children who are pleading for help and not relieve them of their agonized suffering?
[1] Alfred Douglas Young, a g g g grandfather, laid his hands on the legs of a lame boy with a withered leg, that was twisted, and in the name of Jesus Christ, commanded that his leg be healed. He felt a heat flow through his hand into the leg of the boy. The boy was instantly healed and began leaping for joy on his new leg in direct fulfillment of the scripture, D&C 42:48-52 And again, it shall come to pass that he that hath afaith in me to be bhealed, and is not cappointed unto death, shall be dhealed. He who hath faith to see shall see. He who hath faith to hear shall hear. The lame who hath faith to leap shall leap.
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